Monday, 12 September 2011

Drunken Ungulates and Other Hazards

A friend sent me a story this week about a drunk moose that staggered its way into a tree in some innocent Swedish family's back yard. It would seem the moose got blotto on fermented apples, and had to sleep off his hangover in the garden.

Drunk moose on the loose

I'm not home this week, but rather enjoying the old haunts in Vancouver and the hospitality of the incredible staff at Vancouver General Hospital as the lead contractor (yes, also known as my dad) undergoes a lung biopsy. I was quite worried about the procedure and the contractor until I read this.

Now I'm terrified of the chaos that might await me back home.

I think we've established that the ample deer population that calls my home their home tend toward criminality at the best of times. Stone-cold sober these beasts have behaved as wanton vandals, fearlessly foraging in my wildly unkempt garden and helping themselves to my potted plants. I can only imagine the havoc they could wreak half-cut on the reserve of wild raspberry wine that my wildly unkempt raspberry patch has become!

The contractor is feeling a little under the weather still, although he was moved to a private room yesterday after suggesting to the young man in the bed beside him should "grow some" and give the nurses a break - they're busy, don't you know. He is still leaking a substantial and stomach-churning amount of reddish liquid from the tube protruding from his chest, however, he's going to have to suck it up and the nurses will have to find themselves another bouncer. I need to get back and save the homestead from drunken, marauding ungulates.

1 comment:

  1. Give Buster our best. The moose should sober up soon!